Debra Cohen-Melamed, LCSW & Michelle Hintz, PsyD
September is both Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. With all honesty, every month is Suicide Prevention Month. We should not wait for the loss of life by suicide to come together as a society and collectively mourn and share grief while also sharing our regrets about how we all ‘missed’ the signs.
According to the CDC, suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24 in the United States. However, teens and adults aren’t the only ones who die by suicide; younger children can also be at risk.
Understanding the Struggle
Throughout my clinical career, I’ve worked with many families whose children are struggling with mental, emotional, and behavioral challenges. Teens often express deep emotional and mental pain, with common feelings of sadness, anger, despair, and hopelessness, even though each case is unique.
Teens have shared that they often feel unheard or that their concerns are dismissed as simply seeking attention. What many children and teens may not realize is how much their parents are actively struggling to help them, desperately searching for any tool or intervention, even when it feels hopeless or met with resistance. Sadly, I’ve also seen the opposite—parents in denial, indifferent to the idea that anything could be wrong, often missing the signs until it’s too late.
If you are a parent of a teenager and you feel like something is “off,” you aren’t alone. Many parents find themselves watching, day by day, as their once-engaged child pulls away, retreating into a world of secrecy and silence. It’s not just the closed doors or the hours spent staring at a screen—it’s the feeling in your gut that something deeper is happening, something your teen is too afraid or ashamed to share. The sense of powerlessness is overwhelming, leaving you with sleepless nights and constant worry about what might be lurking beneath the surface.
Behind that silence, there may be battles you can’t see—emotional wounds your teen is guarding closely. They may be grappling with the pressures of social media, comparing themselves to impossible standards, or facing cyberbullying that they feel too embarrassed to discuss. The stressors of the online world, mixed with the natural turbulence of adolescence, create a storm that often leaves parents feeling in the dark. Your attempts to reach out, to talk, might be met with resistance or evasion, and each response, whether it’s an angry outburst or a quiet retreat, only amplifies the fear that something is terribly wrong.
And yet, through it all, you are still there, trying to bridge the gap, hoping your child feels your love even when they won’t speak. The hardest part is not knowing—wondering whether the secrecy is just part of the teenage desire for independence or a signal of something more dangerous. That constant uncertainty, paired with the fear of what’s left unsaid, can make every interaction feel fragile. But remember, the fact that you are concerned, that you are watching, means you are still connected. Even when they push you away, your presence is felt, and in time, that love can help guide your teen out of the darkness they may be facing.
Identifying Warning Signs
When it comes to warning signs in teens, they tend to fall into three key areas: verbal, behavioral, and emotional. Each offers important clues to their mental state, and recognizing them can be critical in providing the necessary support.
Verbal warning signs often come in the form of direct or indirect statements. Teens may talk about wanting to kill themselves or express a preoccupation with death. They might say they feel they have no reason to live, believe they are a burden on others, or describe feeling hopeless and trapped. Their words may also reveal that they are experiencing unbearable emotional or mental pain, signaling an urgent need for intervention.
Behaviorally, teens at risk of suicide may start engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors, and you might notice significant changes in their appearance or hygiene. Fatigue, inconsistent sleep patterns, and withdrawing from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed are common signs. Academic performance may suddenly drop, and they may actively seek ways to end their lives. Often, this is paired with irritable or aggressive moods that seem out of character.
On the emotional front, teens considering suicide frequently experience overwhelming feelings such as depression, anxiety, shame, or even anhedonia—the inability to feel pleasure. Sudden mood improvements can also be a red flag, as it may suggest they’ve made a decision to act. Other emotions, like irritability, aggression, or anger, can surface, reflecting the turmoil they are experiencing inside.
One often-overlooked sign of your child’s potential risk of suicide is a sudden shift towards unusual happiness, optimism, or increased activity after a period of deep emotional distress. This can occur when an individual has made the decision to take their life and feels a sense of relief or resolution, which may be mistakenly interpreted by those around them as a sign of improvement. Parents and caregivers may believe their teen has “turned a corner,” when, in reality, this change in mood can indicate that they have found peace in their decision to end their life.
Research supports this troubling pattern. A study by Berman and Jobes (1991) found that adolescents who had decided to attempt suicide often exhibited a calm, upbeat demeanor, giving families and peers the false sense that their struggles had passed. Similarly, Shneidman (1993) highlights that this emotional “lift” is a result of the person no longer feeling conflicted about their decision, which can mask the severity of their mental state and lead others to underestimate the risk. These studies reinforce the importance of staying vigilant, even when a teen’s behavior seems to improve suddenly, as it may be a dangerous warning sign rather than a step toward recovery.
For parents, this information can serve as a crucial reminder to look beyond surface-level improvements and remain attuned to their teen’s overall emotional landscape. It’s natural to feel relieved when a child who has been struggling suddenly seems happier or more optimistic, but understanding that this shift can sometimes be a red flag allows parents to approach the situation with caution and care. If your teen has shown prior signs of distress and suddenly seems unusually upbeat or calm, it’s important to stay connected and ask gentle, open-ended questions to gauge their true emotional state.
What Parents Can Do:
When parents are concerned that their teen might be struggling with suicidal thoughts, it’s critical to know how to intervene effectively.
Asking questions won’t “put the idea in their head.” Most teens or preteens have likely thought about it, googled it, saw it on social media, or discussed the topic with peers. Research suggests that initiating an open and direct conversation is one of the most important steps a parent can take. If you have reason to suspect your teen may be having suicidal thoughts based on the warning signs, have an open and honest discussion with your child.
By addressing it head-on, you open a door for honest discussion. Find a private area and create a safe space—this is not an interrogation. Use clear and decisive language to avoid miscommunication. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed your mood has changed recently and your grades have dropped, and I’m concerned about you.” Be direct and use clear language, asking specifically if they’ve had thoughts of hurting or killing themselves. Avoid euphemisms, as using the word “suicide” can signal your willingness to have a serious conversation about it. Most teens will feel relieved that someone is taking their distress seriously.
Once the conversation begins, focus on listening without judgment. This can be difficult for parents, especially when emotions are running high, but it’s vital to resist the urge to jump in with solutions or advice. Instead, practice active listening—allow your teen to express their thoughts and feelings freely, even if what they say is painful to hear. Research supports the idea that teens benefit when parents validate their emotions and refrain from trying to immediately “fix” the situation. If your teen is not ready to open up to you, encourage them to talk with a mental health professional. Sometimes, a neutral third party can help them process difficult emotions more effectively.
Finally, prioritize safety. If your teen admits to having suicidal thoughts, remove any weapons, medications, or harmful objects from your home immediately. This step can prevent impulsive actions in moments of intense emotion. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help—contact a therapist, counselor, or pediatrician to discuss next steps. In cases where immediate danger is present, take your child to the nearest emergency room for evaluation or contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for guidance. In a crisis, calling 911 or visiting a hospital is the best course of action. Addressing these concerns promptly and directly could make all the difference in ensuring your child’s safety.
Closing Thoughts:
Parents should seek professional help if their teen exhibits warning signs of suicidal thoughts or behaviors, such as expressing a desire to end their life or showing a preoccupation with death. Other indicators that warrant immediate intervention include significant changes in mood, isolation from friends and family, sudden declines in academic performance, or engaging in risky behaviors.
If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed, unsure of how to handle the situation, or if your child refuses to talk about their feelings, consulting a mental health professional can provide essential support and guidance in navigating these challenges. It’s crucial to trust your instincts; if something feels seriously wrong, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. By maintaining regular communication and being aware of both subtle and drastic mood changes, parents can better position themselves to offer support, seek professional help, and intervene when necessary, ultimately reducing the risk of a tragic outcome.
Resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health, suicide, substance abuse, or emotional distress crisis, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at 988lifeline.org to connect to a trained crisis counselor. Support is available 24/7. Additionally, you can text NAMI to 741741 for crisis support via the Crisis Text Line.
- https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/suicide-prevention
- https://www.instagram.com/988lifeline/
- https://www.instagram.com/afspnational/
