By: Carolina Cossio, School Psychologist
As a mom myself, I know how draining the day-to-day can be — and how easy it is to put play on the back burner. But the truth is, when we set aside just a few minutes to join our children in their world, something shifts. We laugh. We slow down. We reconnect. And often, we find ourselves healing, too.
In a world overflowing with calendars packed with appointments, extracurriculars, and social events — in homes where every room seems to have a screen, where cell phones ping endlessly with new alerts, and where both children and adults often juggle multiple devices at once (tablets, phones, computers, Nintendo Switches, PlayStations, Xboxes) — it’s worth pausing to ask:
How much time do we actually spend playing with our children?
And by playing, I don’t mean being in the same room while scrolling through emails or peeking at our phones every few minutes. I mean truly playing — fully present, free from distractions, with our whole attention on our child.
A few years ago, a beloved clinical psychologist — a professor who later became my colleague — shared something that has always stayed with me. She said she sometimes prescribed parents to play with their children for 30 minutes a day. She would literally write it down on a piece of paper: “Play with your child for at least 30 minutes daily, with no distractions.”
Isn’t that both sad and deeply concerning? That in our busy, hyper-connected lives (online), we need a written prescription to remind us to do something so natural — and so vital — for our children’s well-being?
Just last week, a parent told me, “I sit next to my daughter while she plays with her dolls, but she always ends up saying, ‘Mom, you’re not even listening!’ … I didn’t realize how often I was checking my phone until she pointed it out.” That moment broke her heart — and became a turning point. Now, they spend 15 minutes each night fully unplugged, acting out silly storylines with dolls. “It’s the best part of my day,” she told me.
Another dad shared that he started kicking a soccer ball around with his son every evening after dinner. “I thought it was just to burn off energy,” he said. “But one night, my son told me he was getting teased at school — something he’d never shared before. It only came out because we were laughing and moving. That’s when I realized play creates trust.”
And for parents of toddlers? One mom recently said, “I used to think we needed big blocks of time for activities, but my toddler lives in 10-minute bursts. Now we sit on the floor, stack a few blocks, pretend to feed stuffed animals, and then move on. I’ve learned that these tiny moments — when I’m down at her level, fully engaged — are where the magic happens.”
At the Cadenza Center, during our evaluation process, we like to have ‘the big picture’ of a child’s life and development and we always talk with parents about how their children play. What do they enjoy doing in their free time? What activities does the family share together? Some parents may wonder, “Why is this relevant? I’m here because my child isn’t speaking as expected” or “My child struggles to manage emotions — what does play have to do with that?”
Well, here is why playing with your child can have such a great impact on your child’s development:
1. Builds Secure Attachment
When parents engage in play, children feel seen, heard, and valued. This strengthens the parent-child bond and promotes a secure attachment style — the foundation for healthy relationships later in life.
2. Boosts Cognitive Development
Play stimulates problem-solving, imagination, memory, and language skills. Games with rules help kids learn about logic, cause-and-effect, and self-regulation.
3. Enhances Emotional Intelligence
Through pretend play and shared activities, kids learn to identify and express emotions. Parents can help them name feelings and navigate frustration, disappointment, and joy in a safe context.
4. Improves Social Skills
Playing together models cooperation, sharing, turn-taking, and empathy. It gives children a “social lab” to practice skills they’ll use with peers.
5. Builds Confidence and Resilience
When parents join in, children feel encouraged to try new things. Play provides a low-stakes way to fail, adapt, and succeed, building grit and a growth mindset.
6. Reduces Stress for Both Parent and Child
Play is a natural stress reliever, releasing feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Shared laughter and silliness strengthen family connection and well-being.
7. Allows Parents to Understand Their Child’s World
Through play, parents get a window into their child’s thoughts, fears, and dreams. It opens lines of communication that might otherwise stay closed.
8. Encourages Healthy Boundaries and Rules
Structured games help kids learn about fair play, following rules, and handling winning or losing gracefully.
9. Supports Physical Development
Active play (tag, sports, rough-and-tumble) builds motor skills, coordination, spatial and body awareness.
10. Fosters Lifelong Curiosity and Joy
Play nurtures creativity, curiosity, and a sense of wonder that fuels lifelong learning.
Play isn’t “just fun.” Maria Montessori once said, ‘Play is the work of the child’ It’s a vital tool for raising emotionally secure, resilient, and capable humans — and one of the best gifts parents can give their children and themselves.
Not Sure Where to Start? Try One of These:
Build a pillow fort with blankets and chairs
Make something messy together in the kitchen (cookies, slime, pancakes)
Go on a nature scavenger hunt: Can you find a feather? A flower?
Have a mini dance party in the living room
Play a quick card or board game
Set up a pretend “laundry folding” station for toddlers — you’d be amazed how they mimic you with pride
Create a short back-and-forth pretend game (e.g., “Your bear is the doctor and my giraffe is sick!”)
Remember: It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real. So tonight, maybe just 15 minutes — no screens, no multitasking, just play. You might be surprised by what opens up!
