by Debra Cohen-Melamed, LCSW, CCTP, TF-CBT, CPDTP
In Part 1 of this series, we explored the Fight response—the way some nervous systems protest fear through control or confrontation. But not all systems push back. Not all systems push back. Some run. As a trauma therapist, I often remind clients that every trauma response is an adaptation, not a flaw. The Flight response isn’t just about physically escaping danger—it’s about finding ways, consciously or unconsciously, to distance ourselves from emotional pain, shame, fear, or vulnerability, or even the threat of connection.
Where Fight says, “I’ll take control,” Flight says, “I need to disappear before I get hurt.”
In this second part of the series, we’ll look at how the Flight response shows up across development, how it connects to perfectionism, anxiety, and even dissociation—and what healing can look like for children, teens, and adults who’ve learned to survive by staying in motion.
What Is the Flight Response?
The Flight response kicks in when the nervous system perceives danger and decides: “If I stay still, I won’t survive. I need to move.” That “moving” isn’t always physical. It can show up as chronic busyness, overthinking, restlessness, or emotional detachment.
Flight isn’t about weakness, it’s about strategy. If connection feels unsafe, distance becomes protection. For many survivors, motion is the only thing that ever felt in their control.
How the Flight Response Shows Up in Real Life
In Kids
- Constant fidgeting or bouncing between activities
- Daydreaming or zoning out
- Avoiding eye contact or rushing through conversations
- Difficulty sitting still or tolerating redirection
Becky (6) can’t sit still in class and always seems distracted. Her teachers say she’s hyperactive, but in therapy, she whispers, “Sometimes my brain wants to fly away.” Becky isn’t acting out – she’s acting “away.” Her nervous system is trying to outrun sensations she doesn’t yet understand or have words for.
In Teens
- Perfectionism or academic overdrive
- Panic attacks or anxiety when things slow down
- Over-involvement in clubs, sports, or social scenes
- Avoidance of deep conversations or vulnerable topics
Tamara (16) is the “golden girl”—honor roll, active in multiple clubs, and soccer captain. You’d never see her without a smile. But in therapy, she says, “If I stop, I start crying and I don’t know why.” Achievement became her escape route after growing up with emotionally absent caregivers. Her Flight response is masked by success and is wrapped in praise and performnce.
In Adults
- Chronic busyness, workaholism, or inability to rest
- Overthinking, especially at night
- Emotional detachment that’s mistaken for independence
- Avoiding silence, stillness, or emotional reflection
Joe (42) hasn’t taken a real vacation in years. “I feel better when I’m doing something,” he says. Underneath that productivity is a childhood marked by chaos and instability. For Joe, slowing down isn’t relaxing—it’s terrifying. If he stops, the feelings catch up.
Clinical Connections and Diagnostic Overlaps
Because the Flight response is so focused on doing, it’s often misunderstood—or mistaken for other conditions. It often mimics high-functioning success or anxiety and can overlap with common diagnoses such as:
- ADHD (especially inattentive/hyperactive types): distractibility, fidgeting, and impulsive task-switching may be trauma-fueled attempts to escape discomfort.
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): excessive worrying and mental “busyness” that serve as preemptive self-protection.
- Obsessive-Compulsive traits: compulsions to stay productive or avoid stillness may reflect an internal drive to outrun distress.
- Panic Disorder: intense physiological symptoms (racing heart, shallow breath) when stopping or slowing down feels dangerous.
- Dissociation or fantasy-prone coping: zoning out, escapist daydreaming, or disappearing into internal worlds.
Many people with Flight patterns feel “lazy” or ashamed when they try to rest—because their nervous system has equated stillness with vulnerability.
Therapy with the Flight Response
Healing the Flight response isn’t about telling someone to “slow down.” It’s about helping their body believe it’s safe enough to pause.
Here’s what helps:
- Mindfulness-based CBT: Building tolerance for discomfort, stillness, and anxious thoughts without spiraling.
- Somatic regulation: Grounding the body through breathwork, tapping (EMDR), movement breaks, or sensory tools.
- Pacing interventions: Breaking the cycle of overwork and collapse by introducing safe rest in small doses.
- Inner parts work: Exploring the younger part that learned motion = safety, and what it’s afraid will happen if it slows down.
- For children: tools like sensory play, storytelling, or movement-based expression can help integrate emotions without forcing verbal processing too soon.
Takeaway for Clinicians and Clients
If you’ve ever been praised for being “so independent” or “always on top of things,” but feel secretly exhausted or emotionally numb—this might be your Flight response in action.
Movement helped you survive. But now, your body deserves peace—not panic.
Therapy doesn’t ask you to stop running all at once. It simply invites the parts of you that had to flee to slowly return—not because they’re being chased, but because they’re finally safe enough to stop.
Next time, we’ll explore what happens when the nervous system shuts down entirely—and how numbness becomes its own form of protection.
Stay tuned for Part 3: The Freeze Response – When Numbness Becomes a Way of Life.
