By Debra Cohen-Melamed, LCSW, CCTP, TF-CBT, CPDTP
As a trauma therapist, I’ve seen so many clients burdened not only by the pain of BPD but by the extra wounds caused when they’re dismissed as “manipulative,” “attention-seeking,” “dramatic,” or “too much.” These myths don’t just hurt — they keep people from getting the care and understanding they deserve.
So let’s break down what BPD isn’t — and what it really is.
Myth 1: “BPD is a ‘female disorder.’”
Truth: BPD is often mislabeled as something only young women experience, but research shows it affects all genders at similar rates.
Example: A young man who swings between clinging to friends and cutting them off completely may be misdiagnosed with anger issues, antisocial traits, or substance abuse — when underneath it all is the same fear of abandonment that fuels BPD in anyone, regardless of gender.
Emotional intensity isn’t a “woman’s problem.” It’s human.
Myth 2: “People with BPD are manipulative and just want attention.”
Truth: “Manipulative,” “self-centered,” “unstable” — these words get thrown around, but they miss the truth. What looks like manipulation is often a desperate attempt to feel safe and connected.
Example: Someone with BPD might send a flurry of texts when a loved one doesn’t respond — not to control them, but because silence can feel like a terrifying rejection.
This is the nervous system in survival mode, not a character flaw.
Myth 3: “BPD can’t be treated.”
Truth: BPD is one of the most treatable personality disorders. With therapies like DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mentalization-Based Therapy, people learn skills to regulate big emotions, navigate relationships, and build a more stable sense of self.
Example: Many people who once felt “impossible to love” now have friendships and partnerships grounded in trust and mutual respect.
Research shows that up to 85% of people with BPD reach remission with the right support.
Myth 4: “People with BPD are dangerous or violent.”
Truth: People with BPD are far more likely to turn their pain inward than to harm others.
Example: Many live with a constant undercurrent of self-blame, shame, or self-harm urges — not because they’re “dramatic” but because they feel emotions at full volume with no off-switch.
Many people with BPD are deeply sensitive and empathetic — they just never learned how to feel safe in their own skin.
If you’ve ever been called “too much” or felt like your pain was “manipulative,” please know: you are not broken. These survival strategies were wired into you by a world that didn’t always feel safe.
When we replace stigma with curiosity and judgment with compassion, real healing becomes possible — not just in therapy, but in our everyday relationships.
If you want to help break the stigma, share this. Someone you know might be carrying this hidden story — and you never know how much it could mean to feel seen.
