A 4-Part Blog Series by Debra Cohen-Melamed, LCSW, CCTP, TF-CBT, CPDTP
In Part 1, we explored how the Fight response turns fear into control. In Part 2, we unpacked how Flight keeps us moving to escape overwhelming emotions. But not all trauma responses are active. Some are invisible—misread as apathy, laziness, or indifference. As a trauma therapist, I often see clients blame themselves for “shutting down,” when in truth, they’re stuck in Freeze—a protective nervous system state that says: “It’s not safe to fight or flee, so I’ll disappear.”
The Freeze response is the most misunderstood of the Four Fs. It’s not a flaw in willpower, it’s biology. In this post, we’ll explore how Freeze shows up across development, how it overlaps with dissociation, depression, and shame, and what it takes to gently support someone coming back online.
What Is the Freeze Response?
Freeze is a parasympathetic nervous system reaction—often triggered when the body feels danger but neither fighting nor fleeing is possible. It’s the deer in headlights, the child who goes limp during conflict, the adult who describes themselves as “stuck” or “checked out.”
It’s not a choice. It’s the body’s emergency brake.
Neurobiologically, Freeze is linked to dorsal vagal (the branch of the nervous system that triggers shutdown, numbness, or immobilization when overwhelm is too great) shutdown. This state often leads to:
- Emotional numbness
- Dissociation or disconnection from the body
- Executive dysfunction and fatigue
- A sense of fogginess, stillness, or being “paused” in life
How the Freeze Response Shows Up in Real Life
In Kids
- Flat affect or “spaced out” expression
- Quiet withdrawal during conflict or redirection
- Passive compliance, especially after repeated yelling
- Difficulty naming emotions or physical states
Mimi (5) was exposed to domestic violence during early development. In therapy, she rarely initiates play and freezes when the therapist raises her voice slightly. When asked what she’s feeling, she shrugs or stares into space. Her body has learned: stillness keeps me safe.
In Teens
- Shutdown body language, minimal verbal engagement
- Saying “I don’t know” to almost everything
- Withdrawing from friendships or future planning
- Self-harm or suicidal ideation as a form of escape
Erika (14) comes to therapy wrapped in a hoodie, barely whispering. When asked what she enjoys, she responds, “Nothing really matters.” She grew up emotionally neglected and invisible. Her Freeze response isn’t just depression; it’s protective paralysis.
In Adults
- Trouble initiating tasks or making decisions
- Feeling like a “ghost” in one’s own life
- Emotional flatness, numbness, or disconnection
- Deep shame around “not doing enough” or seeming lazy
Aaron (30) says he feels like he’s watching life from the outside. He’s lost jobs, not due to lack of skill, but because deadlines overwhelm him into paralysis. His history includes childhood sexual abuse. When things get intense, his body shuts down before he even realizes it.
Clinical Connections and Diagnostic Overlaps
Because Freeze is internal and quiet, it often gets misdiagnosed—or missed entirely. It can mimic or overlap with:
- Complex PTSD (C-PTSD): dissociation, emotional numbness, and shutdowns in response to relational threat
- Dissociative Disorders (e.g., DID, DDNOS): detachment from the body, identity confusion, memory gaps
- Major Depressive Disorder (MDD): low energy, anhedonia, and hopelessness (though Freeze is fear-based, not purely mood-based)
- Somatic Symptoms: chronic pain, fatigue, and brain fog with no clear medical cause
- Learned Helplessness & Internalized Shame: patterns of inaction that develop from repeated trauma or invalidation
Clients in Freeze aren’t unaware; they’re overwhelmed and immobilized. Their silence is often a sign of distress, not disengagement.
Therapy with the Freeze Response
Healing from Freeze means helping the nervous system unfreeze—but at its own pace. These clients don’t need to be pushed into action. They need safety, patience, and co-regulation.
Effective approaches include:
- Somatic Experiencing: Reconnecting clients with gentle body awareness and interoception.
- Parts Work (e.g., IFS): Meeting the “frozen” part with curiosity instead of urgency.
- Sensorimotor Interventions: Using rhythmic movement (like rocking or tapping) to awaken stuck energy safely.
- Relational Repair: Offering consistent presence, nonverbal attunement, and permission to go slow.
- For children: nonverbal play therapy, mirroring games, and sensory integration often come before words. The body has to feel safe before the mind can speak.
Takeaway for Clinicians and Survivors
If you’ve ever felt foggy, frozen, or like you’re “just existing,” it may be Freeze—not failure.
Your nervous system isn’t broken; it’s protective. It shut down because it had no other option.
Therapy isn’t about “getting clients moving”—it’s about helping them feel safe enough to move.
Healing from Freeze means rebuilding trust that action won’t lead to danger, rejection, or collapse. Little by little, we press play.
Stay tuned for Part 4: The Fawn Response – Survival Through People-Pleasing.
