By: Carolina Cossio, School Psychologist, Director of Evaluations
We spend a great deal of time assessing children in schools and clinical settings—but it’s just as important to reflect on how we support and understand the adults who guide them. Teachers play a powerful role in children’s lives. They influence how kids see themselves, how they relate to others, and how they approach learning. This influence can be positive and inspiring—or, at times, unintentionally discouraging.
A Moment of Reflection
During a recent observation in a kindergarten classroom as part of an evaluation process, I noticed that the teacher often used a loud, harsh tone of voice, frequently yelled when redirecting students, and focused mainly on negative behaviors while overlooking positive ones—like a peer quietly trying to help another. She also implemented “good names” and “bad names” as a behavioral strategy, writing students’ names on the board under either category depending on how they were behaving.
Although my observation lasted only one hour, I left feeling overwhelmed, saddened, and deeply reflective. These were 5-year-old children who had entered formal education less than two months earlier and were still learning how to follow routines, manage emotions, and navigate relationships. In addition to adjusting to this new world, they were now encountering an adult who demonstrated limited patience and tolerance for the “mistakes” that occur in the process of learning and growing. (I say “mistakes” because, as I said, children are learning—and mistakes are a necessary part of learning.)
But rather than seeing this experience as simply negative, I also wondered what kind of support this teacher might need. How much guidance, rest, or encouragement was available to her? Teachers hold enormous responsibility, and when they are under-resourced or emotionally drained, even the most well-intentioned educator can begin to operate from survival mode. The emotional tone of a classroom often mirrors the teacher’s internal state—and when educators are unsupported, the learning environment can reflect that strain.
The Positive Impact of Teachers
When teachers are emotionally resourced, patient, and encouraging, they can ignite a lifelong love of learning. Through calm tone, consistent guidance, and genuine interest in students’ growth, they cultivate curiosity, confidence, and resilience.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s concept of growth mindset (2006) reminds us that when adults praise effort (“You worked so hard on that”) rather than only outcomes (“You got the right answer”), children learn that their abilities can grow with persistence. This mindset empowers children to embrace challenges instead of fearing mistakes.
From an attachment theory perspective (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth, 1978), teachers often serve as “secondary attachment figures”—steady, responsive adults who provide safety and encouragement. When children feel seen and emotionally supported at school, they are more likely to engage positively with peers, express empathy, and manage frustration. A warm, dependable teacher gives children the confidence to take healthy risks in learning and in relationships.
Children also learn by observing. Social learning theory (Bandura, 1977) teaches us that adults’ tone, regulation, and behavior shape children’s development more than lectures ever could. When teachers model respect, patience, and compassion, students tend to mirror those same qualities in their own interactions.
When Teachers Are Under-Resourced
Teaching is among the most emotionally demanding professions. Many educators carry far more than lesson plans—they hold trauma, exhaustion, and the weight of constant demands. When teachers lack support or face unrealistic expectations, it becomes harder to respond calmly and consistently to children’s needs.
A stressed teacher may resort to harsher tones or rigid systems as a way to restore order or cope with overwhelm. Over time, this can shift the classroom from a space of exploration to one of compliance or fear. Children exposed to frequent yelling or public criticism may begin to associate learning with anxiety rather than curiosity, and their confidence can quietly erode.
The impact of negative teacher behaviors often extends beyond the classroom. A child who repeatedly experiences criticism, hostility, or neglect from teachers may carry these relational patterns into adolescence and adulthood, influencing how they approach authority, relationships, and challenges. Negative experiences in school have been linked with increased risk of school refusal, dropout, and long-term mental health difficulties, including heightened anxiety and depressive symptoms.
This isn’t about blame—it’s about compassion and context. Teacher stress is often a symptom of systemic issues: oversized classrooms, limited planning time, lack of mentoring, or insufficient mental-health resources. When we strengthen the systems around teachers, we strengthen every child in their care.
What Parents Can Do
Parents play an essential role in this ecosystem of support:
- Ask reflective questions: Instead of “Did you behave today?” try “What made you feel proud today?” or “What was something that felt hard?” This invites emotional dialogue, not just behavioral reports.
- Notice patterns: If your child frequently expresses fear, sadness, or reluctance about school, listen carefully. The issue may be the classroom climate rather than their motivation.
- Model empathy for teachers: Children learn how to interpret adult authority by watching how parents talk about teachers. When parents express understanding (“I bet your teacher had a long day—teaching so many kids must be tough”), children internalize empathy rather than criticism.
- Advocate constructively: If concerns arise, approach teachers and administrators collaboratively. Phrasing such as, “How can we work together to support my child?” fosters partnership instead of opposition.
A Note for Teachers
To the educators reading this: your influence matters deeply—even on the days when patience runs thin or progress feels invisible. A single moment of encouragement or warmth can reshape a child’s confidence for years to come. Seek support when you need it; the compassion you extend to yourself will ripple through every student you teach.
Final Thoughts
Teachers hold incredible power in shaping children’s development—both academically and emotionally. For parents, this means it’s important to pay attention not just to grades or test scores, but also to how your child feels about school and their teacher. If your child is unusually anxious, discouraged, or reluctant to attend, the classroom environment may be playing a role.
While we cannot choose every teacher our children will have, we can advocate for their well-being, support their self-esteem at home, and remind them that mistakes are a natural and valuable part of learning. Just as children need patience, guidance, and encouragement, teachers also need support and training to ensure they can create classrooms that are nurturing, respectful, and truly conducive to growth.
—
Carolina Cossio is a School Psychologist and Director of Evaluations at Cadenza Center for Psychotherapy and the Arts. She is passionate about supporting children, families, and educators in creating environments where emotional safety and learning thrive.
