In today’s world, “freedom” is often synonymous with having limitless options—whether it’s in relationships, careers, or even something as simple as what to watch on Netflix. We chase the ability to keep all doors open, believing that the more choices we have, the freer we are. But the irony is that this obsession with choice often leaves us feeling paralyzed, disconnected, and unfulfilled. True freedom isn’t about avoiding commitment or responsibilities—it’s about having the courage to align your actions with your values and build a life that reflects who you truly are.
At first glance, keeping your options open seems like a smart strategy. After all, who wants to feel stuck? But when we avoid committing—whether to a relationship, career, or even personal goals—we inadvertently create a life built on instability. This can lead to a cycle of restlessness, where we’re constantly searching for the “next best thing” without ever fully investing in what’s already in front of us.
This avoidance of commitment often stems from fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, or even fear of realizing that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s easier to imagine the potential of what could be than to face the realities of what is. But this perpetual search for freedom through options only leads to exhaustion. The endless pursuit of choice doesn’t liberate us; it traps us in a state of indecision and dissatisfaction.
Planting the Garden of Freedom
True freedom requires responsibility. It’s about committing to what matters most, even when the work is hard. Think of it like planting a garden. You could keep your seeds in a bag forever, imagining all the beautiful flowers or vegetables they might produce. But unless you plant them, water them, and nurture them, that potential remains unrealized. True freedom comes from the process of choosing where to plant your seeds and then committing them to their growth.
The Courage to Choose
Choosing a path—and sticking to it—requires courage. It means taking risks, accepting uncertainty, and being willing to confront challenges. It also means letting go of the illusion that you can have everything or be everything at once. But by narrowing your focus, you gain depth and clarity. By committing to something, you give yourself the opportunity to create meaning and build a foundation that supports your goals and values.
As I often tell my clients, “The more we avoid commitment in the name of freedom, the more we lose our ability to create a life of purpose and meaning. Freedom without intention is just an illusion.”
It’s worth reflecting on this: Are you avoiding commitment because you truly value keeping your options open, or because you’re afraid of what might happen if you choose? More often than not, the latter is true. Freedom isn’t the absence of responsibility; it’s the ability to take responsibility for your choices and create a life that feels authentic and purposeful.
Understanding the Dilemma: Insights from Piaget and Jung
To better understand this tension between choice and commitment, we can turn to two key psychological frameworks: Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development and Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow. Each offers unique insights into why we struggle with commitment and how we can overcome these challenges.
Piaget’s Perspective: Growth Through Complexity
Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development shows how we build mental frameworks—or schemas—to make sense of the world. As children, we learn simple rules and think in black-and-white terms. Over time, our thinking evolves, allowing us to navigate complexity and abstract ideas.
However, many adults remain stuck in a less mature way of thinking when it comes to freedom. They cling to the idea that avoiding commitment keeps their options open, but this is a simplistic view of what freedom means. Piaget’s advanced “formal operational” stage involves abstract thinking and the ability to prioritize long-term goals over immediate gratification. Freedom, in this framework, comes from having the maturity to embrace complexity, make choices, and align them with your values.
Jung’s Shadow: The Fear of Vulnerability
Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow offers another perspective. The shadow represents the parts of ourselves we avoid or suppress, often because they conflict with the idealized version of who we want to be. For many, the shadow contains fears of failure, rejection, or inadequacy—fears that keep us from committing to meaningful pursuits.
Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Avoiding commitment is often a way of avoiding these uncomfortable truths. For example, someone might avoid committing to a relationship because they fear rejection, yet this avoidance only deepens their loneliness. True freedom, according to Jung, comes from confronting these fears, integrating the shadow, and embracing the vulnerability that commitment requires.
How Therapy Helps You Commit to Your Freedom
Therapy provides a space to untangle these patterns and fears. If you feel stuck in indecision or afraid to commit, therapy can help you understand what’s really holding you back and guide you toward alignment.
Here’s what the process might look like:
- Exploring your values: Therapy helps you identify what truly matters to you. When you’re clear on your values, it’s easier to make choices that align with them.
- Addressing avoidance: Therapy provides a safe space to explore fears of failure, rejection, or inadequacy—and to understand how these fears may be holding you back.
- Building self-trust: Commitment requires trust in yourself. Therapy helps you develop the confidence to take risks and handle challenges.
- Taking intentional steps: Therapy supports you in making small, manageable commitments, building the skills and confidence to embrace larger ones over time.
This process is transformative, allowing you to move from a life of avoidance and indecision to one of purpose and fulfillment.
Where to Start: Small Steps Toward Real Freedom
If you’re realizing that fear of commitment has kept you stuck, start small. Choose one area of your life where you can practice commitment—a habit, a goal, or even a mindset shift. Write down your values, and ask yourself: What choice aligns with the life I want to create?
Sometimes, it’s not about making the “perfect” choice—it’s about making a choice and following through. With each step, you build confidence, self-trust, and the ability to handle whatever comes next.
Freedom Through Alignment
Freedom isn’t about having every door open—it’s about choosing the doors that align with your values and walking through them with intention. As I often tell my clients, “True freedom isn’t the absence of responsibility; it’s the ability to align your actions with your values and build a life that reflects who you truly are.”
I’ve seen in my own life and in my work with clients how freeing it is to finally choose—how much lighter it feels to walk forward without carrying the weight of endless what-ifs. When we let go of the illusion that we need infinite options to be happy, we create the space for true fulfillment.
If you find yourself hesitating to commit or afraid of limiting your choices, ask yourself: Is my hesitation about protecting my “freedom” or am I avoiding responsibility and vulnerability? True freedom isn’t the absence of struggle—it’s what you create when you align your life with what truly matters. With the right support, you can face your fears, embrace your values, and create a life of purpose and fulfillment. And that kind of freedom is worth every ounce of effort!